Pretty Girl

This is a very hard post for me to write.
17 years ago I found this cute little 5 weeks old kitten at the pound when I lived in Minneapolis.

She was the one who was sitting still in the back of a full cage of kittens, shaking a bit from fright. I felt an instant knowing that she was mine and I was hers.
She fit in my hand.
She lived with me in Minneapolis, Ashland, Portland, Corbet in cabin in the woods, San Diego and Los Angeles and for part of her life she shared me with this fine fellow of a cat Salvador ( aka cute boy )And at the end shared me with my love Jerry whom she didn't warm up to for about 4 years. She would lay on my pregnant belly and purr, sending the "little tomato" some love and warmth...and then came Max who just adored her and chased her around the house. She never got aggressive with him, she let him "pet" her even though he was rough and not able to be careful.
She loved to hop up onto my shoulder and sleep on me at night with her little wet nose touching my ear and I could hear her purring through the night.
She was my first child, my companion, and the one being who knew more about me than any other. She's been there through so much and loved me unconditionally.
I loved how she wrapped her paw over my arm when she slept in my arms.
I loved that face.
I loved that she wore an invisible tiara and at times she was literally pushed around the house on a chair that had wheels, because of course - she was royalty.
This was the last photo I took of her. September 15th 2010 on the front porch where she loved to soak up the sun. We had a vet that makes house calls some over at 8am because it was time to "put her down" as they say. She was suffering and her quality of life was diminishing. We just let her go where she wanted to and that ended up being under the tree in the front yard. I held her in my arms there as the vet gave her the drugs. Jerry and Max sat on the steps near by. It was a calm and peaceful event. She didn't struggle or have any reaction. She just went to sleep and then she passed away. She died in my arms.

The first day without her I think I was pretty numb. The second day - yesterday - was much harder and today - again I am feeling more feelings and grief and loss and remembering all the years we had together. I loved that Pretty Girl. Her absence and the silence without her is very loud.

I love you Pretty Girl.