Friday, August 29, 2008


the baby is the size of a lemon
or it will be on Monday.
that is what the website says.

This week they compared our baby to a shrimp.
I just can't deal with that.
A lemon - fine.
a piece of shrimp? Not so much.

trying to sleep on my left side. It's the best side for blood flow to the baby.
Guess what? That is the most uncomfortable side for me.

Do you have a way of sleeping that never works for you?
try to stay in that position tonight.
Oh ya, lots of fun and comfort.

not much to say, just glad the baby is doing well and hanging on.

yesterday I got to hear a really horrible pregnancy story from a friend that took me to lunch for my birthday. What exactly was she thinking? I hear that once you tell people you are pregnant - they love to tell you horror stories. And on top of it - the horror story took place at exactly the same time I am pregnant now. 13-14 weeks.

Can you say TACKY?

I told her that pregnant gals don't really enjoy hearing stories like that and that she needed to change the subject.

I felt proud of myself for saying that. It was one step away from saying:
I don't appreciate talking about pregnancy horror stories while I am pregnant.
I find it tacky, disrespectful, and horrible and I want to leave now.
That was what i was thinking- but wasn't feeling bold enough to actually say that.

She did change the subject. and I tried to move on and be present for the rest of our date but I was still shocked at her choice of subject matter.....

Thursday, August 28, 2008


yes I'm 40 today.
the baby is 13 and a half weeks in the "oven".

Feeling really good today.

It's strange to say _I'm 40_ but not bad just so weird.

a few more days and I will officially officially officially be in the second trimester.

I'm trying to figure out if what I feel is the baby kicking or just gas...I hear that this is about the time I can start feeling the baby - but how am I suppose to know what it feels like?

Monday, August 25, 2008

week 13

from the baby center website:

How your baby's growing:
Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.

Crazy huh!

I'm definitely looking more pregnant then I did last week. I like it actually.

baby Center says that next week is the beginning of the second trimester. So at this point I'm over all the counting and trying to figure out when this one ends. The lady at the front desk at my doctor's office said it was today.

Who really cares right?

The tomato is hanging on - holding on - and is getting it's groove on.

I can't wait to stop calling it and "it" and calling "it" a she or he! That will be exciting!!

Baby center switches the gender every time so this week they talked as if it was a girl, next week a boy.

I don't actually have much to say today,,,, isn't that new.

I'm going to be writing thank you cards for all the birthday gifts that I got Saturday at the birthday party ( which was loads of fun ).

And power lounging. No plans again today.

Friday, August 22, 2008

not sure how I missed this!

Gwen Stefani gave birth to her second child - a boy - by c section - yesterday! I had no idea. Jerry heard about it before I did. How can that happen?

Gwen and Gavin named the baby boy "Zuma Nesta Rock"

yes they did!

don't worry - I won't be following her rasta ideas.

Zuma is the middle name of Bob Marley.

I hate bob marley. I know I'm suppose to respect him - but whatever.

Now she has Kingston and Zuma.

mystery solved about trimester questions

So I called my doctor this morning and asked the front desk gal - "when does the first trimester officially end? "

she said

" 12 weeks "

I said.

" so at the end of the 12th week? "
" when the 13th week starts? "

she said

" yes"

so there it is.

I am not completely past the first trimester yet!

I will be on MONDAY.

but then on Monday I will probably call just to make sure that she means
12 weeks from the first day of my last period??

Just to clarify that we are all counting on the same calendar.

p.s. a little birdie sent me a care package yesterday and it made my day - and it still is.

I'm off to the salon for an appointment with the owner of the salon who is 10 weeks pregnant. YAY!
she is the gal who puchased my bird photo, and where all of my artwork is hanging right now.
She has a 3 year old names Iris, and is preggers with baby number 2. Haven't seen her yet. I'm excited to talk babies with her. I hope we get to hang out with our babies together since they will both be just weeks apart!

p.p.s. I haven' had any spotting for a week now and no cramping - just normal cramping - not freaky cramping.

p.p.p.s. I turn 40 in SIX days.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

belly - part 2

this is a bit more dramatic.

the first photo was taken right when we found out I was pregnant.
the second photo was taken 2 days ago.

it's hard to hide the belly now - but it still doesn't look really pregnant in clothes yet. But it looks like something is up !

p.s. I just had a friend tell me that I shouldn't tell anyone I'm pregnant until week 14. Because that is what she did. yada yada yada.
she also had lots of strong convicted opinions about breast feeding. it didn't feel like a conversation. Just a opinion fest. I didn't ask her about either of these things.
I'm finding that when people hear that I am pregnant - they LOVE telling me how it has to be done. And in not such a nice supportive way. What is that about? I guess that is the real reason to not tell people your pregnant - ! Or to figure out a way to fend off unsolicited opinions......

I'm thinking of writing a book titled
"keep your opinions off my body"

maybe I should make a t-shirt with that slogan and wear it when I know I'm going to see these women.
They would probably think it's meant toward very religious people who think I am going to go to hell for not believing a certain way or political people who have a close minded agenda. But no - I mean it to all the mothers out there who find it necessary to project their convictions all over me without me even asking!

As I write this I can hear my dad saying:

"detach with love" (and then smirking.)

I'd rather talk about what color to paint the baby room, or go to a knitting store with them to look at yarn for another blanket. Or how about a quilting class?how about a tea date where we can talk about how it feels to be pregnant, and where to go for a good sleeping bra.

yes - lets talk about stuff that's happy happy. Like the fact that I am in week 12 and the little tomato is still hanging on!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

first trimester photos - part 1

ok - it's true - my belly and boobs are growing. and here is the proof!
click on the image and it will get larger so you can see it closer up.
And you might be able to see how gray my hair is on the top of my head too.
Maybe that should be a series of photos in and of itself!

the first photo was when we first found out I was pregnant and the last photo was taken yesterday!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

when does this trimester end?

I thought it was today - at week twelve.
But now I am reading that it is next week!
Week Thirteen.

This trimester never ends.

p.s. I haven't seen any spotting in 3 days.
and my cramps weren't really bad last night.

that is relieving.

today at some point I will take a shower and go to the cupcake store and order all the cupcake for my birthday party.
That will be my one errand for the day.

Then back to the couch for knitting, and watching the movies I rented.

isn't that photo above CUTE?
I like those colors on the walls. and that baby!

Monday, August 18, 2008


The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Our baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if I prod my abdomen, the baby will squirm in response, although I won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in our baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, our baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.


Still getting over the shock of having some spotting. Feeling a little depressed about the cramping which is stronger then it has ever been and feels exactly like I'm going to start my period. I don't like that. The doctor told me that it's because the uterus is growing and pushing things around. I want to be past the discomfort and spotting so that I can enjoy the second trimester that everyone told me was going to be better.
I have been counting the days up to to this point and now find that it's worse then it was a week ago and that I feel less confident.
I hate that.
I'm glad we got to have an ultrasound when I was in the ER and we got to see the heartbeating and the baby waved at us ( ok we waved at the baby! )
And Saturday we got to hear the heartbeat - it's going 150 beats per minute. Which is in perfect range. The baby is the perfect size right now and all is on track - just uncomfortable with the cramping which makes me worry. worry never helps. ever.

I'm totally bummed that I cannot exercise yet. i've been wanting to take pre-natal yoga not just for the exercise but to meet other mom's to be that live near me. I am thinking I might just start to sit in on a class and not participate and just meditate. That might really be nice and a good routine to get into for myself. Tomorrow there is a class really close by that I might just check out. I feel strange going and telling them I just need to sit there - but I bet you other pregnant women can't do all the poses. what the heck - I guess she can tell me no if that isn't appropriate.

I have been looking forward to this week for WEEKS now. So it's a bit of a bummer that it isn't what I thought it was going to be. I assumed that from what other people have told me - that I would have more energy, and feel so much better.
But it's the opposite.

We did start to tell people. I called both of my Grandmas and they were so shocked and excited. It was fun to tell them.
E-mailed a bunch of friends today to tell them the news as well.

Still keeping this blog private though so please don't pass on the blog address to relatives or friends.

Last night I made Spaghetti with red sauce ( from a jar )
and a salad with home made ranch dressing.

I NEVER eat pasta so that was a delight!
Trader joes has wheat free gluten free pasta now!

And I was craving real ranch dressing.
Jerry tells me he has never had it before.
I was shocked.
He is addicted now.

Jerry has been taste testing a different flavor of cupcake every night so we can pick the ones for the party this weekend.
So far I think he likes the Brownie Bomb cupcake the best. It has big chunks of brownie in it. The brownie has walnuts in it.
I actually tasted the frosting and a tiny piece of cupcake - probably the first taste of sugar I've had in YEARS. And I must say it was a good choice.
those cupcakes are INCREDIBLE.

I had to leave the room so he could finish it without tackling him for the rest of it.
It was THAT good.

we are getting a big wire tiered thing to pu the cupcakes in for the party.
It holds about 23 cupcakes and we have about 45. So the rest will get put out on the table! That is going to be some dessert table.
We are getting milk too.
what could be better then cupcakes and milk on your 40th birthday?
i can't think of anything.
and I decided to actually EAT a cupcake.
Yes - you heard me.

I regret not eating a slice of my wedding cake.

I may feel it in my bones the next day - but I don't have anything to do but nap anyhow.

It may trigger a need for sugar but at least I know how to stop that if it happens.
It sucks going through it so hopefully I will have the cupcake and be ok.

I had kona coffee icecream with oreo cookies smashed in it when we were on Maui and I seemed to be ok. accept for my feet and hands swelling and getting irritable and feeling like I got punched in the face. but other then that I was totally fine!

somehow thinking about the cupcakes make me feel better!

Today is also my 21 years of sobriety and I have nothing planned but to pamper myself, and go to dinner with Jerry.
I'm taking it easy.

Lots to be grateful for.

My family, my friends, my husband, our little baby, my kitty, our house and quiet street, the hammock, the tree out front, the pomagrantate tree, the eucaliptus tree, electricity and running water!, creative inspiration, good food, trader joes and whole foods, gluten free stuff, CUPCAKES, orange juice, having a car, having everything I need and things I don't need but like to have, lucky brand jeans!, even though I can't wear them right now, sleeping bras, loose pants, cozy blankets and pillows for power lounging on the nice new couch, cable, tivo, sex and the city videos, e-mail, internet, did I mention cupcakes?, cameras, birds, birds singing, hummingbird nests, BUNNIES!, wind blowing in the trees, quiet, not working a dumb job, not wearing pantyhose, not wearing pumps, not wearing a suit, not driving in traffic at rush hour, not using an alarm clock ever, sleeping in, ( i know that is over soon ), living in LA where we have great weather most of the year, power lounging, bravo tv, olympics, music, memories, hard wood floors, paper towels, the dishwasher that mimi gave us, the washer and dryer, bathtub and bubbles.

ok that reminds me

I need to find some glitter stars.
Maybe today I will run to Michael's and see if they have any in the glitter section.

Got to go. It's 7:45am and I am going to run and have a glorious Monday.
Hope you do too.


Wednesday, August 13, 2008


First of all today is our 10 month anniversary. Can you believe it's been 10 months??
ten months ago today we were all in San Diego. It's 2pm now so we were all probably doing formals or something.


There is a gal who wrote a book called
From wild to child.
About how she was a rocker girl who got pregnant by accident - decided to keep the baby - got married to the guy - and now a few years later they are having baby number 2 - she is an author and into her life as a mom.

Today I read her blog and her post was funny so I thought I'd post it here

Today Jerry bought me a necklace for my 40th birthday. It's a locket so I can put a photo of the baby in there and a photo of jerry and I. Right now the only photo I have of the baby is from the ultrasound so I'm going to make a copy of it and put that in there. I think that will be really nice to have something so sentimental on me all the time. Some times I am away from Jerry - like on the other side of LA which feels like further then another planet - and I am lonely for him.
I have a lot of friends here. Most of which are coming to my party which is totally great - but Jerry is my sweetness. I hate it when he leaves for work some days! ( some days I am totally fine with it! ).
anyhow - I love my new necklace and how personal it is.

fun facts:
found out the gal that owns the hair salon that my photos are up in is 9 weeks pregnant. We both creamed with glee in an e-mail to each other when we found out. I see her Friday. I can't wait to talk with her.

having lunch tomorrow with a new friend who is pregnant and due in December.

meeting an old friend from Paper Source next week who adopted a baby boy a few months ago. I met him but now that I am pregnant I want to spend time with him. And she doesn't know yet so I get to tell her next week.

ok - I need to go be a good - nice - wife and go clean the will stun my husband!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

i'm gonna wash that gray right outta my 6 months

i called the doctor to day just to confirm whether or not I can get my gray roots colored yet -
the answer??


ok then.

I wish I looked as glamorous as the lady pictured above.

but I don't.

Monday, August 11, 2008

second post in one day!

My current obsession!

Some of these are from an Etsy Shop called "badass custom Decals"

The other one is called "elephannie"

thought I should get them up on here so I have a place to go find them when we are ready to decorate that room......

Week 11

How our baby is growing:
Our baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.

She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

Looking at this vendor for things to add to the baby room walls. Probably goig to buy the 3 birds to sit above our window sill in the living room first to see if we love it as much as I love looking at them on the site.


Sunday, August 10, 2008

almost...week 11

having a baby
Hey look this is suppose to be a cute baby tracker thing but I think they look like creepy aliens don't you?

Good morning. It's 6:45am.. This is my usual wake up time - some where between 4:30 and 6am. I've been up since about 4:30ish. Today I noticed something quite odd for someone like me. I actually felt OPTIMISTIC. more on that later...

last night we went to some friends for a BBQ and told them we are expecting our first baby. This couple has told us before that they are not interested in having kids because they already take care of so many people. She is a therapist and they are both very active in 12 step programs and sponsor a lot of people. they already feel like they have kids in a way. I knew that they weren't going to jump up and down for us, but it was still so strange to have the gal say " oh, that's great" with such a pained look on her face and it sounded as though she were squeaking those words out of a mouth that could care less. It was so interesting. The other friends we told yesterday were much more happy for us in a very genuine way even though they don't have kids. It has been so interesting to see how people feel about it. Once we told them I could feel a gigantic separation as wide as the pacific ocean grow between us. I sat there with this group of people - all around my age with out any kids and felt Jerry and I were on a different planet.
One couple that we had just met seemed more excited for us then our actual friends!

I started to think about the baby room and if we need to paint it. Right now it's a mustard type of color. Not that bright though. Like a dull but rich
kind of like this hat only a bit darker.
Can't tell if that is really going to be a cheerful color for the baby or not. But we want to add some things to the walls that I've seen around.
But the first thing - is going to be CLEANING THE ROOM OUT!
I've already started the harrowing process and plan on spending today in there.

P.S. I crave lettuce and veggies again, and have a lot more energy the past few days. YAY FOR SALAD!

P.P.S. I can't wait to see how cute Jerry is going to be as a dad. Can't you already tell he is going to be so into it? he already is. It is so CUTE. I'm so lucky!!!!!!

P.P.P.S. I'm glad we told those friends of ours yesterday instead of waiting until my birthday party. I'm realizing that learning how people are going to react isn't really how I want to spend my party. So it's nice to get it out there to the few left that are coming to the party that don't know. That way we can talk about the pregnancy or not and it won't be as uncomfortable for me to be around people who could care less.

I could just see Jerry and I standing up in front of everyone to announce it at the party and people going " oh....yay..." in a very unpleasant or not too interested way.
I think I'd rather talk about it with the people who are excited and talk about other things with the people who aren't. That way the party isn't baby focused. We can save that for baby focused parties and people!

It's 7:03 am
Sunday August 10th.

9 days until the end of the first trimester.

8 days until my 21 years

13 days until the party

18 days until I actually turn 40.

ok - my other child is needing attention and some time on the porch rolling on the cement.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

the size of a fig

The size of our baby is about the size of a fig.
Today I had the best granola from the M Cafe and it had figs in it.
I never eat them ( i like them I just don't think to buy them ) so it's funny that they were in my breakfast this morning and I see a comparison today of our baby's size to that of a fig.

Figs are fabulous aren't they?


9 days until my 21 years of sobriety

Yes you heard me - TWENTY ONE YEARS.


10 days until the end of the first trimester


13 days until our next doctor's appointment and the day we officially announce the pregnancy to Jerry's work mates
and I call my Grandma in Chicago, the other Grandma in Hawaii, and we call all of the other close relatives, and send a mass e-mail out to everyone else.

14 days until my birthday party
and we announce the pregnancy to everyone there who hasn't yet heard the news.

19 days until my actual 40th birthday
yes you heard me - FORTY

This month is all about counting, practicing being in the present moment, patience, taking it easy, and celebrating every milestone in every way possible.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Connecting through Blogs

The Creative Family. How to Encourage Imagination and Nurture Family Connections.
by Amanda Blake Soule.
Doesn't that book look good?? I might have to buy it!
I found it on a blog I was reading called Soulemama. She wrote the book! How cool is she! She also sells her crafts here.

here are some of the blogs I now enjoy reading that are written by women who are artists and moms:Click on the name of the blog and it will take you to the blog so you can see how cute these are........
Superhero designs is one of my all time favorite blogs and she is one of my favorite people on the planet. She lives in the San Francisco area and makes and sells fabulous jewelry, and is a photographer, used to be a life coach, and is a mom of her baby Ben. She writes letters to Ben on her blog, Talks about the inner struggle of being an artist and human being on the planet. I love how she writes, how she lives her life, and how open she is. I have one of her superhero pendants. I wear it often.
I want to meet her.
My friend Mary Catherine. Used to live in LA- just moved to Brooklyn with her husband and new baby Matilda. She is a writer, photographer and comedian.
Girl gone child is a gal who lives in LA who used to be a rocker chick who got pregnant on accident - and decided to keep the baby - marry the guy - and then she wrote a book about it - a blog - and is now pregnant with baby number 2 - on purpose. She takes a photo of her belly each week and posts it on her blog. I love that.

and some I want to look into more:
This blog is inspiring. The photos make me stop in my tracks. The art she makes is delightful. She writes books, stitches, sews, knits, it seems her entire life is a work of art.
Gluten free girl is someone I need to read for inspiration on food, and she just had a baby. she posts about both. Her baby stopped breathing right after she was born so it was a pretty hard story to read, but she is home now and breathing.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008

week 10

Our baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

our baby is swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout the pregnancy.

If you could take a peek inside the womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: our baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from the spinal cord. our baby's forehead temporarily bulges with the developing brain and sits very high on the head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, the baby is about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, our baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.


I counted wrong - it's actually only 15 days until the end of the first trimester.
And counting.

yesterday jerry and I went to a baby shower of one of his co-workers. It was pretty fascinating. Jerry's boss was there with their 6 month old George IV. We call him Georgie at this point and he is adorable. Jerry's boss ( George III ) and I want to talk about babies every time we see each other. We get this sparkle in our eyes and we can't help it. He is so excited for us and for him to have another couple close to him having a baby. It's really cute and fun to see that in him. But yesterday we couldn't talk about it because no one else knows at the office yet and we didn't want to take away the focus from Ben and His expecting girlfriend Abney. George and I had a hard time not talking about it and we almost resorted to texting each other on our iphones across the table....But Jerry told us to knock it off. I thought it was hilarious.


My weight is at 122 now. Just 5 pounds from my start weight. I feel like I weigh about 15 pounds more then that. None of my pants fit any more and most of my tops show my tummy which is sticking out - more from my change in diet then from a baby. I don't want people to see me unless I can tell them I'm pregnant so that it explains why I am growing.....


I ran into some old friends from my Toltec Days this weekend. It was SO good to see them and I couldn't help but tell them the news. They were so excited and one of them put their hand close to my belly and said she could feel all the energy in there. I loved hearing that.


Today I am home to actually work. I've been feeling much better - more energy lately - followed by even deeper crashes - but I am getting more things done and getting off the couch which is necessary for me.

Going shopping for the birthday party today.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

18 days left in the first trimester......

yep - the baby is the size of a kumquat. What a funny thing to compare it to.
yesterday my parents took me to a maternity shop and bought my my first maternity tops.I must say they are SO SO CUTE. The store has little foam "bump" with velcro on the back so you can put it on at your belly to see what the clothing will look like once you start to show. It was so funny to have a pregnant belly really showing underneath all the tops. One of the tops says " due in march "
I was thinking of wearing it to my birthday party and seeing if people get it.
But I will probably wear a cute little dress instead. Most of my friends know at this point. Only a small handful haven't heard yet who will be at the party.
However it will be great to announce that I am past the first trimester. That will be such a relief. 18 more days to go. 17 more days until my 21 years of sobriety. then another 10 until my 40th birthday. August is JAM PACKED.

I have more energy - less dizzy - and feel more inspired to make my artwork again.
Today we are going to target to pick up a gift for our friends baby shower that happens Sunday. That should be fun for us to see what that is like and take a look at all the baby stuff. I'm starting to think about the baby room and how to paint it.
But first we have to move the office out of there and I started that process last week.

did I mention that my baby loves mexican food?
Oy Vey.
I CRAVE it all the time. It's pretty funny.
I would love a corn tortilla RIGHT NOW.

Smothered in butter.

Did I mention my breakfast lately?

I make a quesadilla with a sprouted grain tortilla with extra sharp cheddar cheese, sliced green olives, sliced tomatoes and scrambled eggs. Then i have a grapefrui, or a glass of orange juice.

When jerry is home on the weekends we like to make scrambled eggs with gluten free waffles, earth balance spread, and agave nectar....jerry uses syrup and makes himself a cappuccino.

Guess I'm hungry!